


Come and Join the Dance

by Mira



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-22
Updated: 2007-04-22
Packaged: 2017-10-16 03:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/167824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mira/pseuds/Mira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Any child would be lucky to have you as a father, Rodney."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come and Join the Dance

**Author's Note:**

> For [Fan_This](http://fan_this.livejournal.com), as part of the [Sticks-and-snark Rodney/Teyla Thing-a-Thon](http://sticksandsnark.livejournal.com).

The first thing Rodney saw was a man sitting on the ground, clutching his left leg, screaming his head off. His own throat ached from the noises the man was making; he'd never heard screams like that outside of a horror movie.

The next thing Rodney noticed was that the lower half of the man's left leg was no longer a leg. It was a bloody red-and-white twist of muscle, skin, and bone. No wonder the man was screaming.

The third thing Rodney noticed was the man's tears. He hadn't seen many men cry, and had never seen anyone cry like this, a heartrending roar that mixed blood, snot, tears, and saliva into the dirt on the man's face.

The fourth thing Rodney noticed was that he was the man, and then he didn't notice anything except a pain so fierce that breathing hurt, the air burned his face and mouth, the blood was hot, the bone fragments sharp where he held onto his leg so tightly, his ears throbbed, the blood throbbed with each beat of his heart and he knew, he _knew_ he was going to die on this stupid godforsaken planet and that he'd never get that Nobel because they were no longer awarded posthumously.

Then Sheppard flung himself over Rodney's leg, wrapping his jacket around the ugly, disgusting, bloody stump and impossibly that hurt _worse_ and he screamed louder. Teyla ripped open Rodney's pack and pulled out field dressings, a pressure dressing, and a tourniquet from his first aid kit. Ronon cut off his pants leg, and Sheppard repeated, "Hang in there, buddy; it'll be okay," which made Rodney furious because _hello_ , leg missing, it was not going to be okay ever, ever again.

His vision started to grey out and then narrow, like looking through a telescope, dark everywhere but his leg and the bandages, and then Rodney twisted and vomited next to Ronon's knee, and oddly, Ronon didn't jerk away or say anything, just held onto him, and Sheppard and Ronon held him while Teyla worked, and they spoke softly to him, kindly, and he knew he was going to die.

He looked up at Ronon's face, a face that had once seemed so severe to him and a bit frightening, but now he saw only a young man doing the best he could under hideous conditions, and Rodney's heart went out to him. He whispered, "I'm so sorry," but he couldn't speak for the tears in his throat. "I'm so sorry, Ronon, please, please," and Sheppard said, "Shh, shhh, there's nothing to be sorry for."

Then Ronon stood up and magically Rodney was flying in the air, in Ronon's arms, he realized, and his head lolled back to see Sheppard and Teyla upside down. "Dial Atlantis," Sheppard told Teyla, who sprinted away like the gazelle she was.

"Beautiful," Rodney whispered, tears rolling up his face. "You're all so, so beautiful, and I love you, and I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

Sheppard took Rodney's head and held it gently, helping Ronon carry him, Rodney realized. "I told you, Rodney. There's nothing to be sorry for. It's going to be okay. We're going home now; we're going to Atlantis."

Rodney could only blink, the tears refracting Sheppard until there were two-three-six Sheppards, his killing hands soft on Rodney's cheek and throat, and many Ronons holding him, and the sound of stargate's vortex rolling out, making that magical connection that would take him home, and then, Rodney decided, then he would sleep.

When he woke, he was in the infirmary on Atlantis. He recognized the ceiling and the low lights and the drips gracefully arcing into his arm. He felt nothing: not the needle on the back of his hand, not the bed beneath him, not the sheet draped over him. He was floating in a terrible dream of blood and terror. He remembered they'd been on M6X-938, and that the people they had gone there for weren't there, that nothing was there but jagged teeth of broken buildings and ugly piles of dirt. No people, no plants, no nothing.

He remembered that something had happened, but not what. Obviously something severe enough to put him in the infirmary, hooked up to all these monitors and bags, but there hadn't been anything on the planet to fight. Maybe he'd fallen over a cliff. Or maybe M6X-938 was another planet and he'd completely forgotten where he'd been. Maybe something had happened to Atlantis.

The thought made his heart race and the monitor began to beep annoyingly. In a few seconds, a nurse whisked back the privacy screen, and then Biro was at his side, taking his pulse, looking at him so tenderly that he knew something was terribly, terribly wrong.

"What?" he tried to ask, but his throat was too dry and he choked. Biro held a sippy cup to him with a built in straw; he hated those things, but at least he didn't have to sit up to drink.

"Not too much," she said after a few gulps, and gently took it away. "Well, Rodney. You scared the pants off me, I can tell you, and that's not something you really want to see."

"What?" he tried again.

She brushed the hair off her face. "What do you remember?"

"Nothing. M6X-938. Nothing." But that wasn't entirely true. He had a flash of Sheppard's face, twisted in pain. "Colonel Sheppard? Did something happen to him?"

"No, no, he's fine. Well, worried sick about you, but we all are. So you remember M6X-938. Do you remember what happened there?"

"If I did, I wouldn't be asking you," he snapped, but his voice was too soft.

"That's our Rodney. All right. I'm sorry to tell you that we couldn't save your left foot. You stepped on a landmine, or at least the Pegasus-galaxy equivalent of one, and despite your teams' incredible efforts . . ." She shook her head, and he saw tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Foot?"

"Foot and part of the leg. But you have your knee, which is a blessing. You'll be fine to wear a prosthetic eventually."

"No," he said, and closed his eyes. "No."

"Go to sleep, Rodney. I'll let your team know you woke up. They're anxious to be with you."

"No," he whispered again.

When he woke up the next time, he could feel the needle in his hand, the bed underneath him, something uncomfortable in his dick, and a distant pain in his left foot. Sheppard sat in a chair near Rodney's shoulder, his head in his hands. Teyla stood at the foot of his bed, eyes closed, maybe in meditation, maybe sleeping standing up. Ronon stood behind her with his back to the bed.

"Hey," he whispered, and all three jumped.

"Hey, buddy," Sheppard said, and to Rodney's surprise, gently stroked the top of his head. "Good to see you awake."

"Water?"

Sheppard held out the same sippy cup that Biro had offered him, but the water was cool and soothed his parched throat.

"Rodney, it is good to see you," Teyla said when Sheppard had set down the cup.

"Yeah, good to see you, too," he whispered. He realized his throat was sore, not just parched. He rubbed it. "Hard to talk."

"That's okay. You don't have to say anything. Just, uh, get better."

Rodney nodded. There was an awkward silence, so he croaked, "Lost my foot."

The three of them froze. Sheppard looked at the floor, biting his lower lip. Teyla stared at Rodney. Then Ronon slowly reached toward Rodney's left leg and lightly lay his hand on top of the bandage. Rodney could feel a slight pressure, but nothing more. He stared at Ronon's hand, dark across the white bandage, long fingers and powerful tendons in the wrist. A beautiful hand.

"Rodney," Teyla finally said, but he held up one hand.

"Sleep now. Talk later."

She nodded. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He fell asleep.

For a long time, Rodney counted his days in cycles of sleeping and waking. Biro and the nurses tried to get him to eat, but he really didn't feel hungry. He didn't feel much of anything. His memories weren't coming back and that worried him, even though he'd read about retrograde amnesia. He didn't think he'd been brain damaged, but he'd certainly been traumatized. Maybe it was good to forget some things. Just move on and get past it.

Then he'd fall asleep, and when he'd wake, go through the same thought process again. Biro let him have his computer, so he read up on transtibial prostheses, energy absorption, ground compliance, and energy storage and return. He fell asleep quickly, but Biro assured him the drugs caused that. "You hurt your foot, Rodney, not your _brain_ ," she scolded him when he whined too much.

Elizabeth visited with him, too, usually in the evening after her workday had ended. She let him know how much she missed his advice and insight, which he didn't believe but appreciated, and they talked about his department, and what new treats the mess hall had served up. But one night, when no one else was around, she said, "Doctor Biro tells me you are ready to be fitted with a prosthetic and for occupational therapy."

"Does she," he said, trying to sound carefree.

"This will have to be done on Earth, of course."

"Of course," he said, but his heart began to race and his face burned.

"Rodney, it'll be all right."

"Why do people say that? Of course it won't. It's a ridiculous idea. My foot was exploded off my body: in what way is that all right?" He flopped back in bed, avoiding Elizabeth's eyes. "I'm tired. I need to go to sleep."

She hesitated, then said, "Of course. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, Rodney."

He waved a hand at her, still staring at the wall. Go back to Earth. What a stupid idea. He knew he'd never get back to Atlantis if he let them send him to Earth. He didn't want to go to Earth.

He turned onto his side, careful of his damaged leg, and tried not to cry. Breathing slowly through his nose, he followed the breathing pattern that Teyla had taught him in meditation. But tears kept rolling out of his eyes, and his nose stuffed up, and he just wasn't made for meditation. He was made for pacing through labs, shouting ideas, brainstorming with his colleagues, for saving the day at the last moment. Not this; he was never meant for this.

When he'd calmed himself, he did something he'd hadn't done since he'd arrived in the infirmary. He picked up his headset and, on a private channel, said, "Colonel? Could you come here?"

Though Sheppard sounded laconic, he answered instantly. "Right there, Rodney." And he was right there in a matter of minutes, hair wild, tee shirt wrinkled, no socks.

"Did I disturb you and some lucky someone?" Rodney asked, trying to sound sarcastic, but he thought he only managed jealous.

"No, just lying down. What can I do?"

Rodney nodded toward the chair next to the bed, and Sheppard sat, hands loosely clasped together. He looked, Rodney thought, like someone called to the principal's office. "You know that Elizabeth wants to send me to Earth." He didn't ask a question.

Sheppard nodded. "Rehab, a prosthesis --"

"Yes, yes, she told me. Here's the thing: I don't want to go. You and I both know that, if she sends me back, the SGC will never let me return." He stared into Sheppard's eyes and was pretty sure he saw acknowledgment there.

"Rodney, Biro's been telling us about new technologies for artificial feet. You'd be the bionic man, probably able to run faster than Ronon. Why wouldn't they let you back?"

"Bionic astrophysicist, and no, they wouldn't and don't argue with me because I can tell you're lying." Sheppard looked guiltily at him. "Will you help? Get me out of here?"

"What? Where? Jesus, what are you talking about?"

Rodney thought for a moment. "Well, with the Athosians for a while. Teyla was telling me some stories about people injured and what they did. And I've downloaded as much medical stuff from the Ancients' database as I could find that has to do with loss of limb. Plus that would give me a quiet place I could, you know, get used to. This." He gestured toward his leg. "And there have been some places we've gone with pretty sophisticated health care. I can probably do better her than on Earth, plus it's _here_. You _need_ me here, in this galaxy, and there's _stuff_ here we haven't found, technology that could help." He stared earnestly at Sheppard.

He inhaled deeply and slowly. "What you're asking --"

"Look, forget it. Just -- if I disappear, don't volunteer anything, okay? I'll do it myself."

"No, Rodney, I didn't say I wouldn't help."

"You didn't say you would."

Sheppard scratched the back of his neck, gritting his teeth. "Let me talk to Teyla and Ronon."

"Bring them here. I don't want you poisoning the well." Sheppard glared at him. Rodney tapped his headset and got Ronon. "Bring Teyla, okay? She's probably asleep."

"Yeah," Ronon said in his ear.

Rodney said, "They'll be here in a minute."

One of the nurses came by. "Are you all right, Doctor McKay? Do you need something to help you sleep?"

"He's fine," Sheppard told her, giving her a smile. Rodney watched her lose interest in him. "I needed to go over some things with him. The rest of the team will be here in a few."

"Just don't keep our patient up too late," she warned Sheppard teasingly.

When Sheppard turned back to him, Rodney rolled his eyes. "What?" he asked. "I could have had her give you a sedative."

"Water," Rodney said, snapping his fingers. At least he'd graduated from a sippy cup to a real glass. As he gulped down the water, Teyla and Ronon slipped into his cubicle, both a bit disheveled. Both, Rodney thought, beautiful. He swallowed the rest of his water.

"Are you well, Rodney?" Teyla asked him. He thought she looked tired, her face rumpled from sleep.

"I need your help," he said, deliberately ignoring her question because he didn't know how to answer it. "Do you think your people would let me live with them for a while?"

She immediately looked more awake. "It was my understanding that you would return to Earth for medical procedures."

"Never mind that. Would Halling and the others let me live there? I'd need some help getting around. Not sure how much I could contribute at first," he added, embarrassed.

"Rodney, I know they would be honored to care for you."

"Why?" Ronon asked. "Why not stay here?"

"Because they won't let me stay here. Teyla's right; they want me to go back to Earth."

"But Atlantis is home," Ronon said, frowning.

"Exactly." Rodney turned to Sheppard. " _He_ gets it, Colonel."

"I get it, Rodney," Sheppard snapped. "I don't think _you_ get it. What if we smuggle you off Atlantis -- how exactly will that help?"

"What are they going to do? Muscle me back? Besides, how will they know where I am unless you tell them? I just, you know, disappeared."

"I think they'd notice if you just disappeared," Sheppard said dryly.

"I would hope so. But what would they _do_?"

"I'll help," Ronon said before Sheppard could answer. "No way do you go back. Let's go."

"Wait, I need to get some stuff." Rodney reached for his laptop, but Sheppard grabbed his hands.

"Okay, say we help. We smuggle you and your stuff off Atlantis. Then what?"

"Then I stay with the Athosians until I figure something out. Teyla's out there all the time; we can stay in touch. I'll still be _here_ ," Rodney said, exasperated. "What's to discuss?"

"I agree," Ronon said. "Let's do it, John."

"I can walk with crutches," Rodney said slowly. Sheppard still held him awkwardly by his wrists, so he took Sheppard's hands. "I'll read the medical database. I'll talk to the Athosian healers. We'll visit other planets and see what they can do. And if nothing turns up, well." He sighed. "You know where to find me."

Teyla said, "John. I do not believe you wish to lose Rodney this way."

"Shit," Sheppard said. "We're gonna get in so much trouble."

"Oh, like that's anything new. Besides, lie." He widened his eyes and said in a falsetto, "What? He's gone? How did that happen?"

Ronon laughed and even Teyla smiled, but Sheppard looked solemnly at him. "I'll do this," he finally said. "I'll lie for you. I'll smuggle you outta here. I'll check up on you as often as I can. But if I see you getting worse, or not improving . . ."

Rodney nodded. After a moment, he said, "Thank you."

Ronon asked, "When?"

"We must do this as soon as possible," Teyla said. "Elizabeth is very concerned about Rodney. I believe she will send him home this week."

"Tomorrow," Sheppard said, his eyes locked on Rodney.

Rodney nodded.

Smuggling him out was easier than he'd imagined. They'd postponed it until they were permitted to make a milk run. By then, he'd been released to his quarters, and he hobbled as best he could on crutches, wishing he had Ronon's biceps to help swing him along. He met once with Kate simply because he couldn't avoid it, and was happily wrathful with and at her about having to return to Earth.

At night, he smuggled clothing and possessions into the jumper bay before collapsing into bed. During the day, he worked in the labs, and even though everyone treated him scrupulously as they had before, he ended each evening with a sour stomach and a headache. Only Zelenka treated him with the same cavalier indifference, and he loved him a little for that.

His team wasn't going out on real missions yet; he knew from Sheppard's awkward phrases that Elizabeth was waiting until Rodney was back on Earth before she'd insist they find a new fourth. He recommended Zelenka, of course; he was the obvious choice, and a good one despite his dislike of going off world. But at the moment, they were only going to familiar places, no first contacts, and continuing trading for food and arms.

"Never thought we'd end up as Milo Minderbinder," Sheppard groused to Rodney.

Better Minderbinder than Snowden, Rodney thought to himself, but he only nodded in agreement. It was ridiculous that the CO of Atlantis was going out on any missions, let alone trading missions, but Sheppard would be as handicapped by staying in the city as Rodney had been by losing his foot, and everyone knew this.

The night before the mission, Rodney made one final trip to the jumper bay. He was sweating by the time he'd secreted his supplies into the jumper, and gladly lay down on one of the back benches. Gasping a bit, he pulled his jacket around him and tried to rest. Before a minute had passed, Ronon slipped in. "Hey," he said, and Rodney nodded, too tired to speak. Ronon sat next to Rodney, tugging his head onto his lap, and putting his own long leather coat over Rodney.

When Rodney opened his eyes again, Teyla was there, looking at him so tenderly that he thought they'd changed their mind and were taking him to Earth. "Shh," she said, and knelt next to him, stroking his face. "Go back to sleep." He sighed, and obeyed.

They were gone when he woke, but he could see daylight and knew it was nearly time. His eyes were gummy with sleep, and he needed a shower, but he was still determined to leave. Ronon or Teyla had left him a snack of carrot-raisin muffins from the cafeteria and a jug of coffee; he demolished both, grateful to them.

And then everything happened at once. His old teammates were in the jumper, ignoring him as he huddled on the bench, hiding from any casual glances through the windscreen. Chuck's voice on the radio gave them clearance, Sheppard took them up, the stargate welcomed them, and then they were exiting an orbital stargate.

"Redial," Sheppard told Teyla, sitting in Rodney's old seat with Ronon behind her. "We'll come back after we drop off McKay."

Drop off McKay. As if they were just running an errand. Rodney closed his eyes and tried not to hyperventilate. His life had already been irrevocably altered; why did this feel like such a big change? He kept his eyes closed, clutching Ronon's coat, until he felt the jumper set down, and Sheppard quietly say, "We're here."

We're here, Rodney thought. My new home. My new life. There was no mistaking it now. No chance of waking up from a bad dream. He opened his eyes and found Sheppard kneeling in front of him. "Hey," he whispered, surprised how creaky his voice was.

Sheppard nodded, and helped him rise, then fit the crutches under his arms. Ronon guided Rodney off the jumper, and Teyla walked toward him with Halling.

"You are more than welcome," Halling said, his eyes kind and sad. Rodney realized he'd seen many losses in his years; the loss of one small foot could hardly matter. Then Halling took Rodney's shoulders and leaned forward until their foreheads touched. Rodney could feel his breath against his face, slow and calm, and felt calmer himself.

"Thanks," he said. "Really. I don't know how to repay you for all this."

"Just live well," Halling said. "That will be repayment enough. You have done so much for us. Let us care for you now."

Rodney's throat closed up and he dropped his eyes, embarrassed and awkward. He was herded by Halling, Ronon, and Teyla into the village the Athosians had created. Near the center, under an enormous evergreen, was a small shed with a tent roof. Halling opened the door and Rodney saw that it was his.

Obviously his team had been busier than he'd known. There was a bed here, from Atlantis, a desk and chair, and stacks of boxes of supplies: MREs, powerbars, instant coffee, tea; a big bowl of fresh fruit; towels and sheets and a stack of black tee shirts. While he stared around him in amazement, Ronon and Sheppard carried in the supplies from the jumper.

When they had re-arranged his new living quarters to Teyla's satisfaction, John slouched in front of Rodney, arms folded. "We won't be able to keep this a secret very long."

"I know. It's more a symbolic gesture."

"Long as you know."

After a long silence, Teyla took Rodney's shoulders and pressed her forehead against his, bending down to meet him where he sat on the bed. Ronon hugged him fiercely, squeezing him breathless. John kept nodding his head, and then finally slapped Rodney's shoulder.

And then they were gone.

Rodney schooled himself not to imagine what was happening back in Atlantis. Would they actually lie to Elizabeth? he'd ask himself, and then plunge back into the database. Would Elizabeth inform the SGC? and then he'd resume the exercises Helta, one of the Athosian healers, had assigned him. He worked diligently at both, knowing they were his only chances.

The Athosians, Halling, Jinto, and Helta in particular, insisted he participate in their daily life. Historically they'd been a nomadic people, but since the Wraith had returned, they were working with other people who'd lost their homes and becoming what Rodney supposed would be called agropastoralists. The fact that he knew the word meant he'd spent too much time among social scientists and botanists, but he was able to help. He was enough of a chemist to be able to determine the pH of the soil. On their new world, they were working the land along the river, and even Rodney could tell it flooded regularly. It was a dark, heavy soil, rather acidic, so the flooding helped balance the pH. Rodney was impressed by the knowledge the newcomers, who called themselves the Loub and the Isern., and spent part of his days sitting near the fields, taking notes, testing the water and the soils.

He wondered why his team didn't visit him, but never asked Halling, nor did the Athosians ask him. He hoped they weren't in trouble, and spent a few sleepless nights imagining them being interrogated by the SGC and IOA.

He could move much easier and quicker on his crutches when they finally returned, and greeted them shyly. Ronon grabbed him in another of his bear hugs, lifting him off the ground so one crutch clattered away, but he set Rodney down gently, holding him upright until Sheppard returned the crutch. Teyla hugged and kissed him, and even Sheppard deigned to sling an arm around Rodney's shoulders for a few seconds.

The village held a celebration that night, roasting _dvasia_ killed by the younger hunters and supplemented by goodies brought from Atlantis. "Molson's!" Rodney exclaimed when Sheppard handed him an icy bottle.

"We missed you," Teyla told him. "Very much."

"I might have missed you guys, too," Rodney admitted, ducking his head. To his surprise and embarrassment, Ronon, sitting next to him, shouldered him and kissed the top of his head. "Hey," Rodney complained, but insincerely. "So what happened?"

"Nothing," Sheppard said, beaming at him. He looked completely relaxed, far from the tense, angry man he'd been the last time Rodney had seen him. "It was kind of funny. Everybody pretended as if nothing had happened. Nobody asked about you at all. Though Zelenka did give me this," and he handed Rodney two flash drives.

"Nobody? Not even Elizabeth?"

"Nope," Ronon said.

"I believe Elizabeth was pleased not to have to return you to your Earth," Teyla said. "I would not have lied had anyone asked me, but no one did. I do not think anyone will."

Rodney was both relieved and, to his surprise, disappointed. "Uh, good, good," he said. "What's new?"

"Zelenka has most of it on the flash drives," Sheppard said. "He also sent the more pressing problems to you. Chuck says hi. Biro wants to know if you need anything."

"I thought you said no one asked?"

Sheppard smirked. "No one did. They just _told_ us."

"Smart people," Rodney muttered, pleased to know he hadn't been forgotten. "Problems? Zelenka's run into problems?"

"Nothing life threatening," Sheppard said. "They can wait till tomorrow. In the meantime, how are you?"

"Good," Rodney said, and meant it. "I've found some stuff in the database that I'll send back with you to Biro. Helta's got me doing weird exercises, and massaging my foot, I mean, where my foot . . ." He trailed off, a little embarrassed. "Hey, hadn't Elizabeth told the SGC about me? Why aren't they asking about me?"

Sheppard shrugged. "You can't have it both ways, Rodney. Either we can talk about you and ask questions like that, or we can't."

"Didn't tell," Ronon said. When everyone looked at him, he said, "What? She told me."

"Just told you," Rodney repeated skeptically.

Ronon shrugged. "People do that."

"It is true," Teyla said. "We have all experienced that, singly and together. Just last week, Doctor Simpson said to me that, if you were around, she would tell you that she is tracking a potential supernova." He stared at her, wishing he could know more. But maybe Zelenka had included that information as well. He tightened his fingers around the flash drives Sheppard had handed him.

"Well, good," he finally said, pleased to learn that he really was remembered.

They stayed two full days. Teyla spent much of her time with Halling, but in the evenings Rodney was surrounded by his all his friends. Jinto, still enamoured of Sheppard, sat next to him and told Sheppard what he'd been doing. Halling and Ronon spoke about other worlds they had visited, good and bad trading outposts, but compared drunken nights.

Helta usually came by to check Rodney's foot and sometimes give him a massage. She was good at it, and it really helped, though at first he was shy to have people watch. But his team was so open in their interest and their concern was so strong, that he found himself struggling to describe the phantom sensation of a foot that was no longer there. "This helps," he said, gesturing to Helta. His leg was in her lap and she was vigorously pressing her thumbs into his skin. He was leaning back into Ronon, with Teyla sitting at his foot, tossing sticks into the fire. Across from them were Sheppard and Jinto; Rodney could hear Sheppard trying to explain American football to him.

He liked this. Ronon was strong and firm at his back, Teyla so beautiful to look at, and Sheppard a solid comfort. He sighed and closed his eyes. His head tilted back until he rested on Ronon's shoulder. He was relaxed from the massage, from the warmth of the fire and of Ronon, and from the company around him. He sighed with deep satisfaction.

"He looks good," he heard Sheppard murmur, and Teyla hum in reply.

"'M wake," he sighed, and Ronon's rumbly laugh made him smile.

After that night, his team returned more regularly. Twice, Teyla stayed behind, sharing his tiny home, re-learning the ways of her people and helping integrate the newcomers. Because, Rodney learned, there were always newcomers. The Athosians were known in this part of the galaxy for their easy, welcoming ways. Survivors of massive cullings, old soldiers no longer able to fight, people simply lost among the stargates arrived and most chose to stay. He was just one of many, and he liked that.

When the seasons turned and the weather grew colder, Halling and Teyla had already discovered a better site, so they began to pack. Their fields would be left fallow but the animals taken with them. The site was farther from the stargate, which Rodney considered a very good thing since it was harder to hide from Wraith darts in winter. They had settled in a glacial valley, one with a classic U-shape and broad valley floor covered with thick grasses and scrubby brush that led to a small lake. "Good grazing," Halling told Rodney as they reached the valley. Rodney was riding something like a goat; he called it an _even-toed ungulate_ because he thought it sounded better than _riding on a goat_. He shuddered to imagine what Ronon and Sheppard would say to him if they saw him trotting along by Halling.

A stream wound through the valley, icy cold, and Halling said he saw signs of flooding, so they camped on top of a long esker, higher than any trace of flooding. Not that it would flood in winter, Rodney thought; it was getting cold, and he knew he was in snow country.

Teyla returned to help build the camp, and then Ronon and Sheppard spent a week with them. Rodney's goat, called John, loved Ronon's dreadlocks and had to be forcibly restrained from nibbling on them. Rodney and Teyla laughed themselves into tears every time they heard Ronon shouting, "John! No! Get _off_ me!"

Shortly after they had settled into their new routines, a young woman and her baby appeared in camp. She was thin and troubled. Helta spent a lot of time with her, and the other women in the camp took turns caring for her baby. She refused to speak, so they had a naming ceremony for her and the baby the third night.

An enormous bonfire blazed, and Rodney was there, crutches resting against a convenient glacial erratic the size and shape of a VW bus. Erosion had carved a small shelf in one side, and he sat there on a folded blanket, near the fire, and watched.

Before the entire settlement, Halling told the young woman, "You are welcome. We hope you will make your family with us." She stared wide-eyed at him; Rodney couldn't tell whether she understood him or not. She'd grown progressively wilder looking since her arrival. He knew she had been traumatized by a culling, and wondered if her husband or brother had pushed her through the stargate at the last minute. Such things had happened before.

"To welcome you, we offer you this name, if you will take it: Finda. And your beautiful daughter, if you wish, will be Hedys. Will you stay with us and let us care for you?"

She swallowed, but never spoke, just stared up at him. "Very well," Halling said, and he offered her a cup of water, a piece of bread, and a leaf of dried _sweta_ , kept from Athos. She ate and drank obediently from his hands, but never spoke or moved to take them from him. She clutched her baby and stared. Rodney shook his head. PTSD, he assumed.

Helta stayed with Finda and Hedys, but didn't neglect Rodney. She brought them with her when she came to care for him, and one night, Helta offered him the baby. He pulled away; he didn't know anything about kids, but Helta smacked his leg and he cautiously took the baby into his arms. "Hi," he said, gazing into her face. She had hazel eyes, like Sheppard's he thought, and skin the color of Teyla's. "Hello, baby," he murmured. Her eyelids trembled and she gnawed on her fingers, drooling on him.

Two days later he was trying to catch John the goat; it kept dancing away from him. He hobbled along, stronger and faster on his crutches than ever but still not quick enough to catch a goat. He caught a glimpse of movement to his left and froze. Please, not Wraith, he thought, gasping a bit. Then he saw it was Finda climbing the steep valley side, heading up to a hanging valley. He hadn't been able to climb there, but he knew there must be beautiful views of the entire valley and beyond. He watched, ignoring John's head-tossing.

Finda reached the hanging valley and disappeared from his view, so he walked to the end of the lake below it, twisting back to look for her. He thought it must be another weird Pegasus Galaxy ritual, maybe to celebrate their acceptance into a new tribe or some nonsense, because Finda was undressing Hedys and tossing her baby clothes over the edge of the hanging valley. A tiny sock caught on a clump of grass, a shawl nestled over a bush, and then, to Rodney's horror, he saw Hedys sail away from the ledge and splash into the lake.

He screamed for help so loudly that he hurt his throat and frightened the goat. He lost one crutch in his haste to the lake, and threw the other away when he was deep enough to float.

The lake was small but deep and shockingly cold. He couldn't catch his breath and his heart shot into tachycardia. The baby bobbed in front of him, face down; he seized her tiny body and rolled her onto her back and into the crook of his arm. He swam back, shaking violently, wondering if she was dead. Her tender eyelids were veined with blue and her little mouth slack.

Suddenly he was surrounded by splashing people, grabbing his arms, dragging him on shore, and someone took the baby from him. He shivered so hard that his teeth literally rattled, and he couldn't speak, just make moaning noises. His fingers wouldn't work, and his movements were jerky, so he gave up and let them roll him up in blankets. Jinto wrapped his jacket around Rodney's head and held him while men carried him back to camp.

When he could speak a little, he chattered, "The baby? Where is she?"

"I have her," Helta called. He couldn't see her, but knowing she was there made him relax a bit, or maybe it was the warm towels draped over his legs and chest.

"So fucking cold," he managed.

Jinto said, "You are so brave, Rodney. You are so brave."

Rodney didn't think he'd been brave at all, but he liked it that Jinto did, so he said nothing, just curled deeper into the blankets. They had carried him into Halling's tent, the largest one in the settlement, and placed him by the fire. He felt sleepy now, tired and sad. He'd stopped shaking and mostly had to pee.

He rolled his head to one side and watched as Helta carefully washed baby Hedys with warm water. "How is she?" he whispered, frightened of the answer.

Helta shook her head. "Alive. How long was she in the water?"

"Not even a minute," he said. "It happened so quickly." He realized his missing foot was aching, as if it were trying to warm up, too, a pins-and-needles feeling of soreness in the sole of the foot. The missing foot. "Fuck," he murmured. "Where's Finda?"

No one answered. He tried not to think about the ache in his foot. He fell asleep, listening to the quiet murmur of talk around him, the sound of the fire crackling, and Jinto humming to himself as he held Rodney's head. He wondered what had happened to the goat.

He woke in the middle of the night. The floor was covered with bodies; it looked as though everyone in the settlement had tried to squeeze in with him. Someone breathed steadily into his neck, tickling him, so he carefully rolled onto his back and discovered Helta next to him with the baby between them.

Hedys looked fine. Her skin was tawny in the firelight, and her eyelids moved as she dreamed. Something good, he hoped, and not a nightmare of what had happened. Dragging his hand out from under the covers, he touched her lightly; she was warm. He sighed in relief. "I think she will be all right," Helta whispered to him.

"Finda?"

Helta shook her head. "She jumped into the rocks. We will bury her tomorrow."

"Jesus." Rodney studied the sleeping child next to him. How could someone deliberately try to hurt her?

"These things happen, Rodney," Helta whispered. "Losing so much all at once unbalances some people. Finda was one, I believe."

He nodded, still resting his finger against Hedys' little face.

In the morning, they buried Finda's broken body. For once, Rodney was glad he didn't have to help with that. Instead, he remained with Helta and Hedys. He fed Hedys goat milk from a bottle, because of course John was female, and, with help from Helta, burped and changed her. He was relieved to have the distraction of the baby.

Rodney caught a cold, to his great disgust, and spent a few days isolating himself from the others and blowing his nose. No Kleenex here, so he spent the time groaning and washing handkerchiefs, a truly disgusting job. He wondered if there was a way to convert the transporters to transport the snot directly out of his nose and lungs. Helta reported that at least the baby had suffered nothing more than a thorough soaking.

He'd begun feeling better when the first snow fell, light dancing flakes that brought everyone out to watch them. The kids laughed and jumped, snatching the flakes from the air; they were big and soft and kissed Rodney when he turned his face up into the night, opening his mouth to taste their fleeting flavor.

The air seemed to glow with the brilliance of the snow, and he slowly turned on his one good leg, looking at this milling gathering of Pegasus natives who had taken him, and others, in, forming their own culture and even family. That made him think of Finda and Hedys, and he made his way through the laughing crowd to Passia, a teenager feeding Hedys. "Rodney!" she cried when she saw him, and helped him sit, pushing the baby into his arms. "Here, for a minute, please, Rodney." He nodded and from the corner of his eye saw her dash to a mob of young people, laughing as they began to dance.

He held the baby in the crook of his left arm and the bottle in his right. She sucked enthusiastically, making little noises of pleasure. She opened and closed her hands like a starfish and he wondered what that meant. Her lashes lay thick against her plump cheeks that bunched as she sucked, showing dimples. He couldn't believe less than a month ago her mother had tried to kill her.

Her sucking noises slowed, and a pearl of milk shone on her pink lips. "Enough?" he asked her, carefully withdrawing the nipple from her mouth. He set the bottle down and put her against his shoulder, patting her back. He could hear her tummy growling and then a satisfied little belch. "There's a girl." She was already sleeping when he slid her from his shoulder back into his arms. "Oh, baby," he said, knowing he was smiling ridiculously hard.

He looked up at the people around him: the youngsters dancing, the little kids playing tag, some of the adults talking seriously, but most smiling into the sky and each other's faces. A moment of grace in a difficult life. He sighed and held little Hedys closer.

"By rights she is yours," Halling said. Rodney jumped a bit, but not enough to startle the baby.

"What? I -- oh, right. Saved her life, she's my responsibility. I don't think so," Rodney said quickly. "I'm still working, you know. When would I find time to care for a baby? Even if I wanted to, which I don't, nor do I know how to."

Halling looked at him for a moment, then sat next to him and rested his hand on Hedys' head. "She owes you her life, yes, but more than that, you should have a child. To teach, to pass on what you've learned, and to take you out of yourself."

"While I agree I have much I could teach, it's inappropriate. I'm still a scientist. Eventually I'll return to Atlantis and stop telecommuting, and Atlantis is no place to raise a kid."

Halling said nothing but leaned closer, watching Rodney's face. "Helta believes it would be good for you and the baby. She is a wise woman. And I have seen the bond between you and Hedys. You already love her."

"I don't, well, if I do it's because she's a baby and hello, notoriously easy to love when someone else takes care of the messy stuff like feeding and changing them." He paused, and then asked, "Are you serious? You think I should take care of her?"

"I do not joke about such matters. Life is so fragile, Rodney. We all lose so much. At least I have my Jinto, and when the Ancestors receive me, I will take comfort in knowing he lives on."

Rodney didn't believe in Ancestors and he didn't much like the Ancients, but he remembered Madison and how adorable she was and how much Jeannie loved her. The pictures Jeannie sent each month, which he still received thanks to Sheppard and Zelenka, showed how quickly Madison was growing up. He shook his head.

"No. I'd be terrible for her. You know me, Halling. I'm petty, arrogant, and bad with people, as someone once told me, and it's true. I'd forget about her and she'd go hungry, or get angry and yell at her. No one deserves me as a father."

Halling smiled at him. "Any child would be lucky to have you as a father, Rodney."

Rodney looked back at the baby. "I know it's because the people here think she's bad luck because her mother killed herself. I've lived here long enough that even I picked that up."

"It is true that suicide is not an honorable death unless faced with Wraith."

"And that's being passed onto the baby."

"No one blames the child."

Before Rodney could figure out what to say, Helta appeared. "I thought it was Passia's turn?"

"She wanted to dance with the others." The three adults turned to watch the dozen or so teenagers stomp in unison, some kind of line dance to Rodney's eyes. "Didn't give me much choice."

"You notice that Passia gave the baby to you," Halling said.

"Oh for god's sake, give it a rest. Anyone would have rescued her. I just happened to be there when it happened."

"Sometimes the world arranges things for us when we do not," Halling said, and Rodney rolled his eyes. This mysticism of the Athosians drove him crazy. And he didn't like the way they worshipped the Ancients, calling them Ancestors. He looked away from Halling and back into the baby's sleeping face. Halling was right about life being so fragile. And Rodney didn't want Hedys to be blamed for her mother's death. He'd been a shy child, always apart from others, not dancing with them the way Passia and Jinto were.

"I will bring her things to you," Helta said, and left abruptly.

Rodney opened his mouth to contradict her, but closed it. The snowfall had thickened and flakes were beginning to stick on the ground. A light wind chased them like smoke over the ground. Halling said, "The seasons have changed," and rose, clapping his hands to disburse the crowd.

Rodney studied the baby. She was calm in his arms and had been from the moment he had plucked her from the icy water. She was good baby, rarely fussing, and so pretty.

He sighed. He was genuinely busy. Somehow, his colleagues at Atlantis had managed to keep him here, safe from the SGC and IOA yet still busy on important tasks. He had no idea if Elizabeth had told them he had died or if they thought he was still in Atlantis all in one piece, or if they'd been persuaded that, even with one foot, he was more valuable in Pegasus than not. One day he would ask Sheppard, but even now, six months after the accident, he still felt -- to use Halling's word -- fragile. A big part of him did not want to know.

What he did know was that he had good friends. Zelenka, Simpson, and all the scientists still reported to him and he still monitored their work. He wasn't on an away team, so he had more time for the administrative portion of his job, and oddly, he grew to know his colleagues better through their research than when he'd worked with them in person. Sheppard sent him movies and music, and the whole team visited him at least once a month.

"I'm not the man I was," he murmured to Hedys, who sighed, smelling of milk and clean baby. That would end soon, he supposed.

Suddenly Helta draped a shawl across his lap and up over his left shoulder. "Put the baby in there," she murmured. Rodney cautiously lay the sleeping child in the shawl, her head higher than her feet. Helta drew the lower length of the shawl around his waist, and he could feel her tying it at the small of his back.

"A rebozo," he said, staring down at Hedys.

"Now you can walk," Helta said, handing him his crutches, and he could, he could carry the baby and walk. His upper body had grown a lot stronger since the accident, and Helta had made sure he continued his stretching and muscle- building exercises. He guessed they were paying off.

Two days later, Hedys was still living with Rodney when Sheppard brought Teyla to the settlement. The snow hadn't stuck, but the air was cold, and Rodney thought she looked pretty bundled in her coat. Sheppard was wearing his leather jacket and looked pretty fine as well, he thought, adjusting the rebozo so the baby's head lay closer to his heart.

"Great style, McKay."

"Well, I forgot my leather jacket," Rodney started to say, but in fact, he did have the jacket here, Sheppard himself had brought it, but Teyla cupped her hand under Hedys' butt and peered into the rebozo.

"Rodney," she murmured, and rested her cheek against the baby's face.

Rodney felt such a complex rush of emotions that he was rendered speechless, trying to identify them. He'd missed his team, of course, and especially Sheppard whose laconic nonsense was so different from the all-round earnestness of the Pegasus galaxy. But he realized he'd missed Teyla, too: her calm, her mischievous smiles, her dignity, her passion. She raised her head to ask, "Who is this child?"

"This is Hedys. I'm, uh, taking care of her. For a while."

"You?" Sheppard sounded incredulous. He stepped next to Teyla and peered down at Hedys. "Hey," he said softly, and put out his index finger. Hedys grabbed it, her entire hand dwarfed by that one finger. The sight made Rodney's heart clutch. "Didn't think you liked kids, Rodney."

"That's Zelenka. Mostly. Well, actually, I didn't either, but she's special. Aren't you," he heard himself add in that ridiculous coo he'd developed since she'd come into his life. He felt himself blush, but no one teased him.

"She is special," Teyla said. "Look how bright her eyes are."

"Sheppard's eyes," Rodney said without thinking.

"Ah --"

"No, not literally, I'm not accusing you of anything. But look Teyla, aren't they the same color? That weird brown?"

"It's called _hazel_ ," Sheppard said, but he sounded flattered.

"They are John's eyes. Beautiful eyes, though I am very fond of the color of yours, Rodney." She looked up at him. "They are clear like water. I do not believe you could hide from anyone with those eyes."

He knew he was blushing harder, but just shrugged. "So what are you guys doing here? Come in, have some tea, get out of the cold."

"I must speak with Halling, but I will join you and John shortly." Teyla kissed Hedys' brow again, and then slipped away.

Rodney managed to wait until they were in his tent before asking, "What's wrong? I can tell something's wrong and if I can tell, that means something is really wrong."

"It's okay," Sheppard said, but Rodney wasn't convinced.

"There's water in that pot. Just swing it out over the fire, yeah, like that." He pulled out a bright yellow teapot that Mahesh had given him after he'd fixed their fire-starter. "Tell me," he said as he dumped in two small bars of pressed tea and added a pat of goat milk butter.

Sheppard sat down next to the fire, watching it grow as he added kindling to it. "She hasn't felt well lately. Biro's been looking after her, and Heightmeyer, and even Elizabeth. She hasn't told me what it is, and I haven't asked, but she's off the team for a while."

"Shit," Rodney said. Hedys looked hungry, so he filled a bottle with goat milk and set it in the pot heating their water for tea. "Multi-tasking," he explained to Sheppard when he raised his eyebrows.

"So why do you have a baby, anyway?"

Rodney sat on the bed, holding Hedys carefully. After a hesitation, he told Sheppard the story, emphasizing how cold the water was and how little he recalled. "It wasn't a hero thing; I leave that to you. Just instinctive, you know? The last thing I remember clearly is her sailing down from that ledge. I knew I had to get to her, no matter what."

"Jesus," Sheppard murmured. He rested his head against the baby's, his fingers brushing Rodney's chest. "What a way to start life."

"Well, they say begin in tears and end in laughter, right? So maybe she'll be okay." There was a silence, and then Rodney removed the bottle and tested the milk on his tongue. He fit the nipple over it and deftly inserted it into Hedys mouth. He and Sheppard laughed at how quickly she began to make her sucking noises.

"Sounds like you," Sheppard said, but kindly, and then he made their tea. When they'd settled back down, he said, "I asked Teyla flat out if she was sick. I was imagining leukemia or cancer, something life-threatening. She said no, and I don't think she'd lie about out. I asked Ronon, and he said it was a woman thing." He shook his head. "I think she's been in some pain, and uh, on a mission . . ." He trailed off, biting his lips. "On a mission, she had a real bad period and there was, um, blood."

Rodney made a face. Jeannie had had miserable periods, cramping and what she had called _messes_ , which involved lots of hand laundry. He couldn't imagine that happening to Teyla. "Well, she'll tell us when she's ready," he finally said, but his curiosity was biting him. "Ronon didn't come?"

"Got a new batch of military in on the last run of the _Daedalus_. He, Lorne, and Cadman are handling the training."

"Cadman," Rodney said.

Teyla brushed back the flap to the tent and stood in the opening. "Come in," Sheppard said.

"There's another mug behind you, but you'll have to wash it out," Rodney told her.

They busied themselves, Rodney feeling as if he had to give Teyla the time to start whatever conversation they were here to have. When Sheppard had poured her tea and she'd taken the first sip, she sat next to him, back very straight. "Colonel, Doctor McKay," she said, which made Rodney's stomach turn over in dread. "With Elizabeth's permission, I am taking a brief leave of absence from Atlantis and my duties there."

"Brief?" Sheppard asked.

"Leave?" Rodney asked.

She inclined her head once.

Rodney burst out, "Teyla, what's wrong? You're scaring me. Are you dying?"

Sheppard said sharply, "McKay," but Teyla smiled and him and then at Sheppard.

"Not yet. According to Doctor Biro, I am in good health. But I have what she calls uterine fibroid tumors."

"Tumors," Rodney breathed, and clutched at Hedys.

"No, not cancer," Teyla said quickly. "These will not harm me. In fact, most women have them and never even know they do." That made Rodney a bit queasy to think about. "The fibroids in my uterus are all very small, but they have begun to cause my monthly courses to be distressingly heavy. Doctor Biro has prescribed 'watchful waiting.' I will remain here, to assist Halling and, perhaps Rodney, for two or three months. She believes I will have no further difficulties. If I do, we will discuss possible treatments."

Teyla sounded so calm. Rodney knew he'd be hyperventilating at the thought of even non-cancerous tumors in his body. Good thing he wasn't a woman. Then Hedys spit out the nipple, and he turned his attention to her, glad to have the familiar busy-ness of cleaning her face and hands, burping her, changing her, and rocking her to sleep while he processed Teyla's news. He heard Sheppard and Teyla talking the entire time and when he peeked up from Hedys, saw they were holding hands.

When they paused, Rodney asked, "Does Ronon know?"

Teyla shook her head. "I wanted to tell all three of you at once, but that wasn't possible. John, will you tell him? And reassure him? And when he is free, will you both come back?"

"Of course," Sheppard said, but he looked worried. Rodney didn't envy him the task.

"Stay with me," he said suddenly. "I mean, share my tent. We used to share tents, you know, when we got stuck on some godforsaken planet. This is nicer, and there's Hedys."

Teyla smiled at him so beautifully that Rodney was struck dumb. She cupped his cheek with a touch as light as Hedys'. Rodney felt a shock run through him, and his eyes fluttered shut, seeing Sheppard and Teyla holding hands while she touched him. "I wish Ronon were here," he finally said, embarrassed. "Sorry to be maudlin."

"I also wish he were here," Teyla said.

Sheppard jumped up and collected their mugs, Hedys' bottle, and the teapot and carried them outside.

"Thank you, Rodney. I would be honored to be a guest of your home," Teyla said when he'd gone.

"Well, not much of a home, and it's not really mine as much as Halling's but I kinda missed you guys and it would be nice to have someone intelligent to talk to." Realizing what he'd implied, he said, "Not that your people aren't intelligent, that's not what I meant." Teyla laughed at him, and for the first time since they'd arrived, Rodney relaxed.

Sheppard stayed with them two nights. He helped around the settlement, met several times with Halling, Teyla, and the elders, learned how to change Hedys, and played chess with Rodney in the evenings. The morning of the third day it began to snow, and even Rodney could tell this would stick.

He and Teyla walked to the jumper with Sheppard, after he'd said his goodbyes to the others. Rodney watched as they leaned together in the ancient Athosian salute, and murmured quietly to each other. When they separated, he awkwardly patted Sheppard's shoulder, and was surprised when Sheppard bent down and kissed Hedys' thin hair and slung one arm around Rodney's back. For a minute, Rodney thought Sheppard would say something, but he just shook his head and climbed into the puddlejumper.

Living with Teyla was almost too easy. Rodney could forget she was there, until he did something like fart or curse, and then hear her laughter. She helped with Hedys, but not too much. She had brought more work for him from Atlantis, and a laptop that Zelenka had loaded with movies, music, professional journals, and email from both Atlantis and Earth. "Radek said to tell you that he included suggestions for reorganizing the division," she told him when she handed over the laptop. "Also, to be sure to watch _Happy Feet_."

The winter was quiet. No new stragglers came through the gate looking for help, nor did any Wraith darts. Halling had posted guards near it, to let the settlement know when someone came through, so Rodney designed an early-warning system with a small video device. Now, Halling would be paged by the system and could see the gate in the warmth of his tent, and guards did not have to be spared from the encampment.

Hedys grew astonishingly fast and one day, bathing her in a tightly-woven basket, he realized that he loved her. The way she focused her bleary eyes on him and smiled, the way she turned toward him when she heard his voice, the way she relaxed into him when he picked her up, had slowly melted his heart and eroded all his defenses. She liked Teyla, too, which Rodney considered an indication of her intelligence. He wondered if she had any memories of her mother, because she did seem to draw away from young women, but maybe it was their shrieking laughter and boisterous behavior, so different from the two people she lived with. Now that Teyla was here, he no longer had to leave Hedys with Passia or the others, and that relieved him.

"So, little one," he said to her one afternoon when she played with her socks, grabbing at her toes, "think you'd like to stay with me? Call me, you know, something like _Dad_?" She blew bubbles at him, and he wiped her face.

"I take that as a _yes_ ," Teyla said, and rested her hand on Rodney's shoulder. He put his own hand over hers, unreasonably comforted at her presence.

Without letting himself think about it, he said, "I love you, Teyla. I, uh, I'm really glad you came here, even though I'm sorry you, you know, about the fibroids, um, and just wanted you to know that." He exhaled deeply.

She knelt next to where he sat on the bed and gently turned his face to her. "I also love you, Rodney McKay. You are a brave, dear man, someone I respect and admire."

Rodney stared at her, breathing through his mouth, and suddenly the synaptic connections cascaded and he said stupidly, "We're a family."

She smiled her most luminous smile at him. "I would like to believe so."

"Teyla, I thought you and, you and John or maybe you and Ronon, but I never hoped, not for a single minute . . ." He trailed off, almost gasping for breath as a different future opened before him. He licked his lips, took a deep breath, and leaned slowly forward, looking into Teyla's eyes.

She smiled again, moved her hand from his shoulder to his face, and met him, gently kissing him, sweet little kisses that made him smile through them, and then a longer kiss, more serious, and they slid closer together. Rodney pulled her onto his lap. He was light-headed from kissing Teyla, beautiful, wonderful Teyla, his teammate for so many years, a respected friend, someone he loved painfully much, and now, to have her _right here_ , her long legs twining around his, her hands on his face and chest, her tongue in his mouth.

She pushed him down so they lay together on the bed, Hedys next to their heads gurgling happily. She kissed him, and he let her take the lead because he simply couldn't believe this was happening. He was achingly hard, and that hadn't happened since the accident, he realized. He groaned with frustrated pleasure. She kissed him again and then suddenly rolled on top of him, pushing against his erection. She sighed when he touched her breast. "When the baby is asleep," she whispered. "Please, Rodney."

"Oh, god, yes," he exclaimed, and then lifted her breast to his mouth, sucking her right through her clothes. He thought he might come in his pants at the weight of her on him. He sighed, and wrapped her arms around him.

Hedys demanded their attention, kicking Rodney in the head. Teyla laughed and kissed Rodney's temple and the baby's foot, then straightened her socks and peered into her mouth. "Look," she said delightedly. "Another tooth!"

Rodney laughed, and tickled Hedys, making her smile hugely at him. "Little drooly face," he said. Teyla rolled off him and they went back to their work, which Rodney suddenly realized was building a family. He tidied up Hedys, massaging her gums with the _ish_ tree oil that Heyta recommended while Teyla went for water to wash the clay in front of the fire. He set Hedys in her basket so she could watch while they scrubbed the clay and then re-made the fire. They took their meal communally that night, and Rodney thought it was symbolic, the three of them together at the large table in Halling's tent.

Hedys was dozing by the time they returned home, the tent aired out but cold. He couldn't stop watching Teyla, and flushing when she caught him studying her. So beautiful, he thought, brushing his teeth, so beautiful and strong and smart. As the evening progressed, he grew shyer and shyer, convinced that he'd misunderstood the afternoon's events. By the time Hedys was asleep in her basket between his bed and the fire, he had persuaded himself that Teyla would sleep in her bed across from him and no more would ever be said.

But when he stood gazing down at Hedys' sleeping face, Teyla's arms slipped around his waist. He rested his hands on hers and sighed. "Come to bed," she whispered. He turned, bent, and kissed her, feeling tender with gratitude and love.

He unlaced her vest and slipped it from her shoulders, stroking her arms and more tentatively the curve of her breasts. She inhaled sharply. He kissed her throat and her ears and then her mouth again, lifting her onto her toes, pressing her against him. She felt delicious against him, but he wanted to feel her skin against his, so he kissed her again and set her down. Undressing in front of others always embarrassed him a little, but he tried not to be clumsy. He left his tee shirt on at first, but after a brief hesitation, tugged it off, too.

They stood together, hand in hand, their bodies washed with the ruddy colors of the wavering fire. Rodney wanted to do everything at once, but he started by kissing Teyla again, and was surprised by her intense response. She pushed him back onto the bed and climbed over him, sitting on his thighs. Her eyes glittered in the firelight and she looked almost severely at him as she touched his chest, ran her fingers through his chest hair, lightly pinched his nipples and then bent over to kiss him deeply. He touched her breasts, figuring she must like it if she assumed he did, and was rewarded by her moan.

He ran one hand down her and shyly touched her ass. She opened her legs wider to him, grinding down on his erection, so he pressed his fingers between her legs, touching her asshole lightly. She felt hot and wet on him and he was dizzy with desire. To his shocked delight, she suddenly sat up and seized his dick, scooted back, and sucked on it so he shouted before remembering the sleeping baby. His hips pumped and his ass clenched while she played with him. Then just as suddenly she pulled away and stared at him. She looked fierce, wild. His mouth was open and he was panting. Then she rose and slowly fit him into her while he stared at her pussy, gleaming and wet. They both groaned. She stopped and started, stopped and started; he wondered if it had been a long time for her, too. He just hoped he could give her some pleasure before he exploded and died.

Then she started to ride him. She took his hand and placed it between them, so the back of his hand was under her where she was so warm. "Like that," she whispered, "just like that." With his other hand, he rubbed her breasts, first one, then the other, and watched as she gasped at his touch. He was doing this, he thought to himself; against all odds, Teyla had come to his bed, and he began to move more, making sure she slid back and forth over his hand and dick. Her pussy tightened around his dick, and he realized he wasn't wearing a condom.

"Teyla," he whispered, "condom, protection, you know?"

"Let me," she pleaded, not slowing, "unless you insist?"

"Christ, no," he said; he couldn't imagine giving up this sensation for the dulled abrasion latex offered. He wanted her, all of her, to feel and smell and taste and hear her as they rocked together. She pushed especially firmly against him and then froze, her eyes shut, her mouth open, and then she shuddered and relaxed.

He slid down the bed between her legs and she leaned against the wall at the head. he kissed her inner thigh, her labia, and licked inside her. She was wet and richly scented and everything he'd dreamed up. She held herself rigidly above him, moving her body to some secret rhythm he tried to adapt to. Years ago, at the unhappy end of an angry relationship, a woman had shouted at him _You don't give me orgasms; I take them!_ and ever since then he'd wondered if that was a complaint or instructions.

As he licked, he touched Teyla, feeling his finger slip inside her. With his left hand, he held her hips, letting his fingers brush her asshole and perineum. He loved that himself and hoped she didn't mind, but he found doing it almost as erotic as having it done to him.

 _This isn't math_ , he heard another ex-girlfriend say in his head, but he knew he was bad with people and he so wanted to please Teyla, to make her rejoice in her choice, and when she cried out raggedly he couldn't help but be proud.

This time Teyla pulled away. She kissed his wet face thoroughly, then tugged at him until he rolled onto his side and she lay down on her back. She held up her arms to him and he nearly came at the sight. He knelt over her, kissed her face, and slowly entered her. His dick was so sensitive that he came seconds afterwards. "Teyla," he whispered, "Teyla."

"I love you, Rodney McKay," she said into his ear. He was already falling asleep, and how gauche was that? But she only snuggled into him, drawing the duvet over them, and then he did sleep.

They made love again in the morning, to Rodney's delight, finishing just as the baby woke. He couldn't stop smiling at her all day, even though he knew everyone in the camp must know what they've done, but all were kind to him. Even Hedys was especially good, and slept so soundly through her midday nap that they were able to have sex yet again.

This new life isn't so bad, he thought, working on a thorny problem about step-down transformers to transfer power from the ZPM to AC appliances. The weather was changing again; though it was still cold, there were fewer clouds and the days were getting longer. He was still a one-legged gimp, as he privately called himself, but somehow he'd got the girl, the best girl in the galaxy, and a beautiful baby, too. He had friends and was doing important work both for Atlantis and for the Athosian settlement. He'd never train with Teyla and her batons again, but he could watch her in pride, and he did sit meditation with her now, though he didn't think he could improve much more.

Teyla was better, too. Her first month had been bad, and Rodney was reminded of his adolescence more than he wanted to be, when Jeannie had been miserably every month. He rubbed Teyla's lower back, and brought her meals, and heated water for hot baths for her. The second month was much better, and the third was, according to her, back to normal.

One day right after lunch, when Helta was massaging Rodney's leg while Teyla put Hedys down, a puddlejumper set down at the far end of the settlement. Soon Sheppard, Ronon, and Biro stood at the entrance of Rodney's tent, beaming at him. Behind them was a tiny man that Rodney didn't recognize. "This is Doctor Purohit," Sheppard said. "He's a linguist who's been working with Doctor Biro."

Biro hurried to Rodney, kneeling next to Helta. "Rodney, we think we have found something. Something amazing. We've run some trials, and it seems to work. I believe it works."

"What are you babbling about? What's going on?" Rodney said sharply, but he knew.

Biro reached out a trembling hand and rested it on the skin of his stump. Only Helta and Teyla had done that for months, nearly a year now, and he felt himself flush with embarrassment and anger. He closed his eyes.

"What do you mean, Doctor?" Helta asked.

"There is a device. Colonel Sheppard found it after Doctor Purohit discovered mention of it in the database. It can regenerate limbs."

"I've seen it," Sheppard said. "I've seen it work on animals. It _works_ , Rodney."

There was too much to take in all at once. Rodney felt short of breath, thirsty, confused. He'd hoped for this ever since the moment he'd lost his foot; lying in the bloody mud of that evil planet, he'd imagined such a device magically reversing the process. But that had been nearly a year ago, and he'd given up. He'd become used to working long distance, to seeing his friends rarely, to using crutches to get around, to all the things he'd had to learn. Everyone was talking at once now, and it was too much for him.

He looked at Teyla, who climbed next to him on the bed. They put their arms around each other and he buried his face in her hair, listening to the conversation die down. Eventually, Sheppard asked, "Rodney?"

Reluctantly, Rodney raised his head. He saw tears in Teyla's eyes. "What do you want?" he asked her gently. "What do we do now?"

"I think you already know," she said, and kissed him.

"And us?" he whispered into her ear.

She smiled tremulously. "I hope you know what I want."

They pressed their foreheads together and he just breathed for a moment, trying to catch her serenity. "And baby makes three," he murmured, and she laughed, a tear slipping down her cheek. He kissed it away.

They looked at Sheppard and the others, staring back at them in various degrees of shock and wonder and hope. "What are we waiting for? Can we go now? Or can you do it here?"

Sheppard smiled brilliantly at Rodney, the smile he so rarely revealed to others, and Ronon shouted.

"In Atlantis, Rodney," Biro told him. "There are some calibrations that have to be made, but within a day we'll know."

"A day," he echoed, still stunned. Teyla hugged him, and Helta patted his leg before slipping the elastic sock up his leg. Then Halling was with them, and Sheppard and Biro explained everything while Purohit watched, looking around curiously.

Before nightfall, Rodney was on his crutches by the puddlejumper. They'd decided that he would return here for his convalescence, so he brought only a pocketful of flash drives with him. Teyla held Hedys, standing next to him. Everyone in the settlement had turned out, and many wanted to hug or kiss them.

Finally, Halling clapped his hands. "Go," he said to them, "and return in good health. This is your home." He bent over a very long way to press his forehead against Rodney's, and then even further for Teyla. Then he kissed them both and stood back. "May the Ancestors watch over you."

"And you," Rodney and Teyla echoed. Then they climbed into the puddlejumper.

~ ~ ~

 _Epilogue_

"Elizabeth, I don't know how to thank you," Teyla said, taking Elizabeth's hand. "If you had not turned a blind eye . . ." She shook her head.

Elizabeth embraced her. "You are both worth the risk," she said, looking at Rodney.

"What will you tell them? Anything?" he asked. He was afraid to ask how much they already knew.

She shrugged. "General O'Neill and I have worked out a way of communicating without actually saying anything. He's quite remarkable that way. I don't know if that's a native skill or if it's from his long association with Doctor Jackson."

Rodney smiled at Teyla and shifted Hedys in his arms. "So we just move back to Atlantis and continue as if nothing had happened? That's it?"

"Well, I think a party might be in order," Elizabeth said. "Considering how many changes there've been in your life."

"Can you marry us? Do you have that authority?" Rodney asked impulsively.

Elizabeth beamed at him. "I think there's something in the small print that could be read that way."

He looked at Teyla. "I should have asked you first," he said. "I'm always doing that, and I always will. You know me, Teyla." He saw Elizabeth slip out of her office and the doors slide closed behind her.

"Rodney McKay," she started, so he kissed her, carefully bending over Hedys. Teyla kissed him back firmly, and held on.

"I'm a lousy dancer," he whispered in her ear, "but will you dance with me at our wedding? I want to show off this new foot of mine."

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by my darling [Lady of Asheru](http://lady-of-asheru.livejournal.com) and [Ciderpress](http://ciderpress.livejournal.com).


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